Stacked high on my desk and littered around the house are sheets and sheets of papers, and piles and piles of books, given or recommended to me by an army of doctors, specialists, herbalists, chinese medicine practitioners, dietitians, and nutritionists.
My phone is filled with numbers of different medical gurus that I either have or haven’t yet dialed. Over the last 6 years, since my endometriosis diagnosis, I have started several diets, health kicks, juice fasts and smoothie challenges. Taken every single pill, shot and implant on offer, along with 2 laparoscopies that lasered away some but of course not all of those endometrial-like tissues that were forming little cyst-like clots all over my insides, going and growing as far north as my diaphragm.
During this 6 years of pro active, action, left with little to show for it but, for a multitude of new symptoms and side effects, such as 15kg+ weight gain, and a horror of a gut problem. I have finally decided to sort through the mess of conflicting information on my desk and to listen only to my sick, ailing physical body and no other.
I think the best thing we can do when unwell is to really listen to our bodies, I have been ignoring mine for to long. Instead relying on the specialist advise of handful of people, of whom I thought knew my body better than me.
But placing all trust in their sometimes sound but often unreliable advice clearly hasn’t worked out. I am not cured, I have no real relief. Symptoms have changed, evolved and morphed into new horrors but have never disappeared, preferring to pop up as some new ailment and thus, I am still living a half life, chained to the discomfort, fatigue and pain that Endometriosis causes in so many different and often surprising ways.
From this, to what I hope is an Oasis, emerging through my desert of pain and suffering. I am having my lightbulb moment, and realizing that only person that I don’t trust and am not listening to, is myself. This is perhaps where in this whole journey I have gone wrong. That nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me “no don’t take that mimic of menopause, Zoladex”, that the doctor is insisting on. Oh how I had wished I had listened to that voice when the hot flushes would creep up on me at the most inopportune times. The stress of going through ‘fake’ menopause was very real, and I was fool enough to go through twice.
Although I may start sound like some mystical hippy, I have come to believe that we, as humans, a part of the animal kingdom, a part of this spectacular universe, have an innate knowledge of ourselves both physically and mentally and we have the ability to self heal if only we would listen and listen carefully. I would like to pause here and say that in no way am I bashing the medical community, they definitely have their purposes. But, I have come to believe that the best way to take care of yourself is to actually TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF. Which means listening to your body and your intuitive intuition and reigning in and balancing your mind.
So this is where it all begins. I am giving myself 6 months, 6 months of self care, 6 months of really going through all the information that I have been given and letting my body decide which is the right way to go. I have also come to realize that reigning in the brain and changing the way I think is also an important part of this journey, so I will be working on retraining my brain and the way I talk to myself, (in the non mad sense). On June 1st I will be 28 years old, hopefully by the time I am 28 and 1/2 I will be a healed and renewed version of myself.
This tumbler is my testament to taking charge and will follow my journey to renewed health and share all beneficial information that I come across along the way.